Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
