help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have fence marks all over my body
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
