A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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