Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
