girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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