I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
