I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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