my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
