i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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