I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
false alarm. still invincible.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
