OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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