is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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