i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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