dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
