John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
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I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
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Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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