Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
