so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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