i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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