Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is Oprah even human
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
