I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
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I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
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my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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