Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
