His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
