So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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