After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
