I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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