you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
