I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You are a genius and a whore.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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