she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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