honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
