things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
