Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
