My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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