i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
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Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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