I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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