dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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