I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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