Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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