you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sorry about my life...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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