mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
