You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
