Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
