just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
