hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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