I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
