Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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