Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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