My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
