I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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