Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
