honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
