remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It was confusing and full of hummus
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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