I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
