threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
