all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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