Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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