Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
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i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.