Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!