i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
