I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i now understand why vodka
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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