Moan for me like Helen Keller
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
