Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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