i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
