i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
