Got a toothbrush?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
