im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
