I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
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He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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