Your mouth is God's brothel.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
