i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
