The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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