Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
