Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
