Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
